The Windy City

I had this huge epiphany regarding the city of Chicago this weekend. Similar to the epiphany I had about the social dynamic of San Francisco it took years of visiting the city for me to truly see the essence of the city.

I've been taking weekend trips to Chicago since the early rave days when I was 16. The city has always held a certain allure although I have no idea where that allure stems from. It could originate from my perception of big city life, public transportation, and endless boutique shopping. I truly have no idea, but growing up the city always seemed so much more substantial. During this trip I really got a feeling that the city was soulless. This may sound harsh but I feel the city has endless potential had it not been built in the Midwest. The city is literally made up of thousands of people from the Midwest trying to make it big, people trying to be somebody. In fact the only thing that makes the city worth anything is the immigrant population which adds a bit of culture to this otherwise lifeless society. The first dramatic disappointment is with the city's fashion. Considered to be one of the few fashion and modeling meccas within the US I was surprised to see the lack of originality in clothing options among the residents. Most of the 20-30 somethings were dressed conservatively in the same completely unoriginal trendy styles. While the neighborhoods each hold their own characteristics and architectural brilliance I just felt that this city has nothing to offer but places to get shitty drunk before roaming around like an asshole. My accusation of it being a soulless city comes on my belief that this is not one of the great "creative" cities in our country.

I would love some feedback from those that live in Chicago and those who have visited. While I do admit that there are a few things I love about the city- public transit, unique neighborhoods, fairly reasonably priced housing (compared to the west coast), and the fact that you can get Mexican fare and fresh carrot juice at 4 a.m.; I still feel that the thing holding the city back are it's people. Although many try to be "big city" people they still carry the "small town" mentality and the fear of fitting in.

After years of traveling to San Francisco I finally realized what a great city it is. For years I failed to comprehend the true qualities of this city. On the outside all I saw were dirty streets lined with old insanity ridden hippies and young homeless kids following suit. I thought California was an overrated amusement park for the lost. A place where humans came to escape their family ties and lose themselves in themselves. My last trip was different. I stayed a few days with my minimalistic friend who rents a huge place with 8 roommates ( I can't even fathom living with that many people). During my stay I met several of his mid-twenties roommates who were all doing their own thing. One told me she ran a "chai" business which really consisted of her selling chai tea within the park on the panhandle. Another one made his own analog synths which filled several rack-mount towers within his tiny bedroom. While I didn't really groove to the music he produced; I did respect it for it's originality. Then there's my friend, dj, artist, philosopher, free-thinker, minimalist, etc. This trip made me realize that everyone I've ever met here has a niche. They all have something they are passionate about, something that brings out their true creative self. At this point I realized why people are drawn to this place despite a geographic location that evades true warmth all year round, filled with overpriced lodging and limited parking. I guess there's something to be said about a mediocre climate when true creativity and freedom to be yourself are abundant...you can overlook a few cloudy, foggy days when you are inside collaborating on a phenomenal piece of human expression.

Although I am not sold on moving to San Francisco I finally understood the reason why so many of my cohorts have migrated to this city. I don't expect all cities to be the same nor do I completely condemn Chicago, I just think there is no point to paying the premium to live in a city that does not provide you with the full worth of the asking price.

Tell me if I am missing some fantastic component of Chicago. I'd love to hear that I'm completely wrong.

KainTuck Trail Adventure 9/4/10

Chuck and I hadn't been on a backpacking adventure since we hiked the Grand Canyon a few years ago. Our lightweight backpack and ultralight tent were getting dusty and begging to be used. We decided to seek out some of Missouri's natural beauty. Apparently Missouri has some amazing landscapes but we had yet to witness this. Armed with the "Trails & Treks of Missouri" guide and some new self-inflating sleeping pads we set out for a new adventure in a land just outside of Rolla.

We chose the Kaintuck trail because it was close and had a natural spring along the trail so we could refill our water bottles. It also had several different loops around the area so if we got too exhausted we could always opt for a shorter hike.

As we approached our designated gravel road turn off we were unsure of the directions the guidebook had given. We soon realized that the directions were incorrect when we found ourselves on a road leading to someone's driveway. A dog ran out and started to chase our car all the way out to the main road. We tried to lose the dog several times but we just couldn't get going fast enough on the gravel road. He followed us nearly 3 miles jumping on the drivers side door the entire way. Once we got to the main road we peeled out and finally left the dog behind.

After realizing we should have turned left (instead of right as the book said) finding the trail parking lot was easier. Finding the trailhead was not. After walking for about an hour on what we thought was the trailhead we came to a dead end. Perplexed because we'd followed the directions well we retraced our steps looking to see if we missed a turnoff. We did not.

Going back to the main road we checked the map again and it appeared that the road might meet up with the trail in another spot so we took off on the gravel road. Up ahead we noticed a swarm of something. Cautiously approaching what could be mosquitoes, bees, or various wilderness insects we were ready to run in the opposite direction if necessary. Just a few more steps and we realized we were in the middle of a swarm of baby butterflies. There were probably at least 100 of them flying around, chasing each other, landing on us, just playing around on a magnificent day! We took a few moments to revel in their beauty. Blue, white, yellow, and orange colors fluttered around our senses. This was one of the most beautiful natural occurrences I've ever witnessed. After a few minutes we decided it was time to move on. Now knowing that the butterflies were a sign we were headed in the right direction we proceeded with new energy.

Soon a car passed by and we signaled for them to stop so that we could ask them about the trailhead. They said it was just a bit further down the road and would be marked by some large boulders. About 1/2 mile down we spotted the boulders that signified the beginning of the trail. RELIEF!!!! We wouldn't go home disappointed.

The trail was beautiful with a variety of different terrains-prairie, wetlands, and thick forest. Each step propelled a complex series of thought-beauty, serenity, happiness, worry, and confusion. We were obviously on the trail but actually had no idea where we were on the trail. We continued on and at each turn tried to make the best decision on which way to go to hopefully reach our overnight destination.

Around 5:30p.m. I started to get a little worried about where we were, fearing that we have to set up camp along the trail if it got dark. Shortly after my internal worrisome panic, we saw our first trail marker that gave us a point of reference. By this point our legs were fatigued and our packs felt about 5 lbs heavier but for the first time I actually believed we'd reach our destination before nightfall. Another hour passed and we came upon a clearing that lead to Wilkins pond. The clearing was stunning and filled with tall prairie grasses. It was nice but not the place we were looking to camp. Supposedly there was an old homestead on the property that made for the best camping. Once again we ventured off relying on the words of a trail book to guide us. We never did reach the homestead but we did follow a road that led to an old grain silo.


We considered pitching our tent here for the night since it was surrounded by flat, cleared land. It seemed to be the perfect spot until we discovered a make-shift fire pit and some empty beer cans. Figuring this was a spot that local teens come to party the decision was made to go back and camp near the pond. As fate would have it this turned out to be a great decision. Near the pond was a picnic bench and a fire ring. We were also a short hike to Wilkin's spring which was the whole point of the trip. Wilkin's spring is a freshwater spring that releases over 3 million gallons of water a day! Utterly impressed by our new surroundings we made camp and relaxed our tired bodies.

No matter how outdoorsy I think I am, there are moments when I realize I am still such a city girl. One of those is when I freak out because a bug is crawling on me and the other is when I wake up scared because I hear strange noises in the woods. What is fascinating to me is that I live in a city comprised of millions of people, a fairly dangerous city at that, yet when I'm completely alone in the woods I get scared. As I fell asleep I started thinking of horror movies that took place in the woods. I realized that no one knew where I was and if someone murdered us in our sleep no one would come to look for us. Paranoia is a strange thing because it is completely irrational. As I said before I'm much more likely to get murdered in the city than the country, statistically speaking.

Chuck and I bundled up in our fleece blanket and took refuge from the cold. It's amazing how cold 50 degrees feels once your used to a 90 degree summer.

Needless to say I was excited to see the sun come up. The sun's warmth was refreshing as it crystallized the droplets of dew across the landscape.

We awoke to the sound of a cross-country team jogging around the pond. They were all wearing little jogging shorts and my mind went racing with thoughts thanks to the movie "Juno." I can never see guys jogging in little shorts without letting out a chuckle.

I was really looking forward to a stress-free day of hiking today since we now knew where we were going and understood the map a little better. We spent the early morning hiking to the spring and back to the abandoned grain silo. The weather was perfect and although my legs were aching it felt good to push them further and further.

It must have been butterfly season or something. We encountered so many flocks of butterflies throughout the trail and the area around the silo was no exception. Stunning! It reminded me of the the time Carrie and I were at the Tikal ruins walking amongst the morning dew only to discover thousands of bees covering every inch of the grass. The buzzing made in unison was unlike any sound I've ever heard before but that's another story entirely.

After packing up our tent and filling our bellies with granola bars and Chex Mix we headed out to take another route back to our car. This path was just as beautiful and majestic as the one we took in but since we knew we weren't lost it was much easier to slow down and take in the beautiful scenery. As we walked we contemplated the life of a butterfly. Do caterpillars know they are going to turn into butterflies or do they just instinctively start preparing a cocoon? We talked about the complexity of metamorphosing into another species all together. Then our talk shifting to tadpoles who start at as legless creatures and eventually turn into frogs. How amazing nature is!

Our talk of the natural world continued as we made our way back out of the trail. The strange thing was that we thought we knew where we were going and that we were on a completely different part of the trail. Ultimately this new trail led us directly back to the original trail we started on. None of our 3 maps could explain how this happened. I'm still puzzled by this but I guess it doesn't really matter.

Amazingly pissed

Today started out as one of those days when you just can't get into what you are doing at work. As the day progressed I became more and more unmotivated. I began dreaming of my summer off work and dreading the last 4 weeks I have to spend cooped up in my little cube. By the time I got home this menial day had made me pissed off. I was super cranky and needed a jog to release the energy. Instead I had to go pick up my vehicle from the mechanic, another dreadful adventure. I resented paying $1000 in repairs just to get the old beater truck I bought to pass a safety inspection before finding out that there was a problem with the brake line (another $500) that could cause the brakes to give out at any moment. So I'm driving this truck home knowing that after spending $1000 the brakes could still fail. So you can probably sense the mood I was in at the time.

While I love my mechanic I still wasn't very happy to see him when I picked up my car. After paying my bill and receiving my truck keys he gave me some smarties. Wow! A smile lit across my face and man did it feel good. I realized this may have been the first time I sincerely smiled all day. On the way home I stopped at the Bread Co. to pick up some soup in a bread bowl. As my order was being assembled I heard the sandwich guy yell "no more bread bowls." I walked over to tell him that I would settle for a baguette if they were out but he looked at me and said "nope, you got the last one!" Hooray for me! I gave a tacky "yes" as I threw a fist into the air and another smile brightened my face.

The moral of the story is it never ceases to amaze me how a little interaction between strangers can turn your day around. To this very moment I'm still in a good mood and looking forward to the rest of this evening. It's amazing how much of a difference people make on a day to day basis and they don't even know it. You'll never know how many times you've caused someone to smile or positively affected someone's life. That is the beauty of life, knowing that anything is possible!

Religion vs. the need to fit in

So recently I've noticed a trend among some of my old friends. Many of them are starting to turn to god and the church to help them find focus in their lives. I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that some of my smarter friends can buy into this religious crap and really believe everything that their religion tells them.

Let me first start by explaining what my problem with religion is. I don't have a problem with people believing in a higher power, however I do have a problem with organized religion. My main problem is that people believe whatever their religion deems as right or wrong without logically thinking these things through. I call this "blindly believing." Please don't get all defensive if you are a blind believer, I was one too while I was growing up that is until I turned 18 and was allowed to think for myself. Blindly believing does none of us any good, I actually think it de-evolutionizes us. If we stop questioning and evaluating things for ourselves we are no different then sheep blindly following others around without figuring out why. One of the things that sets us apart from animals is that we can think and question why things are the way they are and so forth.

All that said, many of the values of religion are outdated and no longer valid. Let's look at the sex before marriage issue. As a logical person I can look at history and see why this was a good value for the church to promote up until about 30 years ago. If a woman had sex before marriage she had pretty good odds of getting pregnant since there weren't contraceptives. Woman didn't work then so an unwed mother couldn't support herself and of course no man would want her because she would be deemed a whore. So in the old days promoting no sex before marriage was a way to keep these things from happening. Now in this day and age this is no longer necessary. Of course a child growing up with 2 parents is of course more ideal and easier on society than having a bunch of unwed mothers around, but hey lots of people do it with success. Now we have contraceptives so if you aren't an idiot it's pretty easy to avoid unwanted pregnancies. For the church to suggest that having sex before marriage is still sinful is just silly. We all love sex and if you aren't hurting anyone, what's the big deal.

Moving on, this of course is just one example and I could really go on and on. If you are religious you should always think about an issue that the church has with something and then decide whether or not you agree. If you fail to think for yourself then you are just blindly believing. This is my major problem with religion. The church tells you what you should or should not believe. How can someone tell you what to believe! We all believe different things based on our own life experiences. None of us have lived the same life so we are all going to believe different things. Religion provides only 1 way to believe and live your life. It assumes that their own prescription for life will fit for EVERYONE.

The problem that I have with all of my friends suddenly becoming religious is that they have become religious due to hard times in their life which shows that when a persons life is in disarray it is very easy for a church to come in and miraculously save the day. It is the same as preying on the weak. Since these people haven't clung to religion in the past religion becomes this new, exciting thing and they feel the need to bring god up in every conversation or post on facebook. I don't get it. My sister is a strong catholic who is very involved with her church but she doesn't feel the need to talk about god all the time, post about him/her, or reference everything good that happens to her as a direct result of god. It is a little overboard for me. Yes you believe in god now, good for you. Now you can believe that all your sins and wrongdoings are finally forgiven. You no longer need to dwell over all the crappy things you did in your life because god loves you. So now you can act like this holier than thou person. Do you like talking about god so much because you are really trying to convince yourself that you believe in god or do you talk about him because it makes you feel superior to others who don't believe? This is what you need to ask yourself.

If you've been a crappy person in the past you don't need to turn to god to save you. You just need to forgive yourself and try to live your life in a better way because you know it's the right thing to do...it's common sense...you don't need god to tell you that.

Gentrification

On my search for a decent place to kick it I ventured to Washington Ave. tonight. I haven't really been up and down Wash. Ave for some time as I usually frequent bars near the South Grand area. Wow was I in for a shock!

Washington Ave has become so gentrified. I remember about 8 years ago when the yuppies began moving in and buying up lofts, seeing girls walking around in their black pants and fancy sequined tank tops but I never thought it would end up like this. I mean there are now over 10 bars on Wash Ave. and a sea of yuppies filling the streets. There is no more individuality in this club district. As you walk up and down the street your ears are flooded with top 40 music and 80's tunes. Is it awful.

I'm all for "revitalization" of areas of the city but in order to bring a neighborhood "up" is it really necessary to get rid of everything special that made that area cool to begin with? Is it really necessary to strip it down of all it's flavor and rawness?

I'm going to continue to scour the city. There has to be at least one good place to hang out here, right?

It does not belong to us

Some time long ago we had a scene that we were part of. A scene that provided love, joy, and surreal experiences. The scene was full of life and music. We could dance all night and feel ecstatic pulses of energy running through our bodies. The music was life.

Last night at the Upstairs Lounge I realized that there is nothing left of that scene. Although I've pretty much known this for some time I came to the frightening conclusion that there is no longer a place for "us." For about 8 years the Upstairs Lounge has been the refuge for the old raver. It is a small intimate bar which features local dj's playing an assortment of underground music. After the rave scene died and we slowly trickled into the club scene we became unsatisfied with this scene because of the plasticity of it. The Upstairs Lounge was the place that seemed to be for "us"- the real dance music enthusiast. Recently I've decided that I've had enough of the bar because the vibe over the last 2 years has been changing. Slowly "other" people have been stumbling into the venue and now realize that it is the "cool" spot. Now there have always been "other" people who have wandered into the bar but they usually pick up on the positive vibe and just move along with it. My problem is with the new crowd of random people that seem to come in, get wasted, and cause trouble. Their behavior takes away from the music and it has now stolen our last refuge.

Last night I witnessed a person start yelling that the DJ was a pussy regardless of the fact that I was hearing some of the dopest Dubstep I've ever heard. The crowd was dancing and enjoying themselves with the exception of some people who decided to stir up some shit. The surprising thing to me is how well they pull "us" into their little game. It is like two animals in the wild having a stand off. These idiots have encroached into our territory and now we are retaliating. We can no longer sit by and let these people ruin our nights, our club, our vibe. So what do we do? We lower ourselves and begin to act like them by shouting back or calling them names. This is not what our scene is about nor is it what we are about.

What we really need in St. Louis is a "real" club. By that I mean another small intimate club that is owned by someone who knows what good music is and actually values our scene for what it is instead of just seeing it as a money maker. I know this is a little idealistic but why can't this happen? So many people have gotten rich exploiting our scene so it has to be possible that someone who actually cares for the music should be able to run a decent club.

Losing Focus

What is the highest form of living? What is the most fulfilled life that one can lead? These are the thoughts I was left thinking after watching "Malcolm X."

Although this movie was released in 1992 I had never seen it. I was never interested in watching the movie or learning about Malcolm because I'd heard so many negative things about him. The most troubling thing I'd heard was that he was a racist and promoted hate in his speeches. Well I should have known better than to listen to the opinion of those who have never been oppressed.

Malcolm X originally looked to free his people from affliction through creating unity within his race and faith community. While his stance seems logical the one thing he failed to realize is that to gain equality you must believe that ALL people are EQUAL- and by equal I mean no better than others and no worse than others. After his trip to Mecca he realized this but unfortunately for his movement this revelation came too near the end of his life.

This movie compounds upon the awareness that I've been gaining in learning about the social movements of the 1960's and 1970's. During this time period there was a real spark that was ignited in the United State. This spark became a flame. A flame that challenged people to shine brighter and smoldered the temper of others. Numerous flames banned together to form an impenetrable fuse that spread throughout college campuses, inner cities, and even farming communities. During this time people stood up to become great leaders. Some of these leaders were Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr., Harvey Milk, The Weather Underground, The Black Panthers, and The American Indian Movement. These people and organizations took a stand for the injustices and inequalities that existed in the United States. These people stopped living their comfortable lives and sacrificed everything to spread awareness of the importance of equality in our country. Why was this time period so full of activism? What kind of spark made these people so passionate?

I often wonder if this spark will ever happen again. So many things began in the 1960's but were extinguished before they had the chance to make a lasting change. I look around and think:
How much more will people take?
How can we just accept the world the way it is?
What will it take to get the spark going again?
I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and because of that belief I have a great source of confusion with this question:
Why were these movements sabotaged before our society was able to benefit from them? I can't come to any conclusion on this because it is hard for me to believe that these movements were meant to come to an end when they could have had such a positive effect on our society.